Powerless to Stop It

Residents of Northwest Queens in New York City underwent a week without power. I mention this because I was one of those residents. I mention that because I was unable to watch my DVD of The Bourne Identity for an entire week. And I really wanted to see it (again). You know how it can be when you're thinking about a certain kind of food all day and then when you go to the supermarket on your way home they don't have it in stock? Well, Matt movies are certainly like food. They provide the sustenance needed to go on through another day. So when you have to go through six days without the needed sustenance AND a heat wave on top of it, well, I'm not a big fan of Consolidated Edison right now.

The good news is that I can finally watch The Bourne Identity again. The bad news is, the craving has passed. So I've been catching up on my viewings of The West Wing. Every other liberal Democrat in the country had his fill of this show when it was on the air between 1999 and 2006, but I was late in coming to the party. I thought I wouldn't want to watch a political drama. Now that it's been quite a few (hundred? or does it just feel that way?) years since the liberal Democrats have been in power, I thought I'd satisfy my nostalgia and mire myself in this clever drama. Let me just say, since I know Matt will probably never run for President, I want to cast my vote now for Martin Sheen.

Yeah, yeah, it's a fictional character. Well, haven't you ever got wrapped up in a fictional story to the point where you believed in the characters and wanted the best for them? Now, come on, I don't believe in them like I think the presidential speech writer is really as handsome (or as smart) as Rob Lowe, but the show is believable in a sort of "I could see that happening just the way they've played it out" way and it is possible to lose oneself in the drama of this White House staff that has the best interests of America at heart. I'm fairly certain the current administration wouldn't agree that this fictional administration has the best interests of America at heart -- so that's how I know it's true. Aaron Sorkin has made it very easy to root for the team that leads the nation. He shares their joys and pains with us and makes it all so dramatic without veering off into melodrama. Or so say I, anyway. I'm finding it to be gripping drama, as a matter of fact, and I'm finding it hard to hang on to see what comes next.



This week, the news anchors are cheerfully (why are they always so cheerful?) predicting another heat wave, so it's quite possible my neighborhood will lose its power again. If that should happen, I may get another craving to see The Bourne Identity. We always want what we can't have, don't we? Should that craving come, I know I'll be powerless to stop it.

Soul Searching

What is up with these people I keep seeing who wear their sunglasses on the subway? If the minimal light available on subway trains hurts your eyes, you really should just stay home. You’re obviously not equipped with the fortitude needed to make your way in the big city.

In the 80’s, one of the two famous young people named Corey had a hit single with a song called Sunglasses At Night, and a little after that there was a song called The Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades. Of course, Tom Cruise was famous for wearing Wayfarer sunglasses and Calvin Klein briefs (and, regrettably, a shirt as well) in Risky Business. So there has been a precedent set for sunglasses as a fashion statement.

Maybe subway sunglass wearers are hiding something? They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, so maybe these shaded subway riders are hiding their soul from us? Or maybe their window’s just closed? Or maybe they don’t have a soul and they find this so embarrassing they figure if you can’t see into their eyes you won’t know about their inner lack. Or wait - maybe The Matrix is one of their favorite movies and they’re emulating the characters because, like the adolescent Peter Brady, they have no personality? It’s just so much to think about.

Has Matt worn sunglasses on the subway? As a celebrity, he could be excused for attempting to disguise himself by wearing sunglasses and a big, floppy hat, but I think Matt is smart enough to know that that really just draws attention to a person. And before you know it, everyone on the train is asking you if you think your chances for an Oscar this year are better for The Departed or for The Good Shepherd.

I'm pretty sure Matt wore sunglasses at some point in his movies. Maybe in the Bourne movies? Since part of Mr. Ripley’s time was spent on the beach, he must have worn sunglasses there, too. You’d think I’d remember Matt’s sunglasses, since I would be quite displeased any time Matt chose to cover up his face in any way. But when I search my soul, I realize I would have found anything covering Matt's face terribly traumatic, so obviously I would have blotted it from my memory.

Bad Posture

This morning, I found myself walking down the steps of the subway bidding the R train farewell in a frustrated way, when I was supposed to be cheerfully greeting it. And I was only 10 seconds late! So I became one of those people you frequently see muttering to themselves in New York City. I muttered that I couldn't believe the train came sooner than it was supposed to. I muttered that I was now going to be late for work. I muttered that this was just an awfully bad thing to happen to me. But I muttered all this in awfully unprintable language. I know, I know, if we don't learn to let go, we could suffer an undignified heart attack and fall like used up tissues onto the third rail. So I took a deep breath, let it out slowly and opened my book (the recently recommended No Night is Too Long by Barbara Vine). While reading about how a young straight man became a young gay man in 20 pages or less, the train finally arrived! But, sadly, after missing the train I usually catch each morning, I discovered the ensuing train actually attracts more clientele, and therefore offers less seating opportunities.

The R train is one of those that have three seats against a wall and two seats projecting outward. It's always preferable to sit in one of the two seats projecting outward, since the person in the outside seat will generally move his or her self closer to the aisle to allow more space for the person in the inside seat. But when you're forced into one of the three-seaters, you learn new things about yourself - like, how much you dislike brushing up against strangers on a train. The first of the plastic, square-cut seats in the three-seater is up against a wall framing the doorway and on the other end the similarly-sized square-cut seat is up against the person's legs who is in the inside seat of one of the two seats projecting outward. The person who created these square-cut seats is either a munchkin whose Lollipop Guild candy has rotted his brain along with his teeth, or someone with quite a sense of humor. These squares are each approximately 12 inches by 12 inches, and if you take a ruler and hold it up against your behind, you'll undoubtedly find that's just a touch less than what might be considered a comfortable space on which to perch. What's more, although I don't have the very broad shoulders the very beautiful Matt Damon has, my shoulders are a tad wider than my hips (this is standard for men, I assure you) and I therefore find it difficult to sit up when I'm forced into the center square-cut seat in one of the three-seaters on an R train. And that's what happened to me this morning.

So, hunched over and reading about a guy who's just discovered he's gay, I began my morning. As I so often do, I was wondering how the story I was reading might fare as a film starring, let's say Matt Damon. The character I'm reading about is an aspiring writer and I'd love to see Matt play another writer (Wilhelm Grimm was a writer, wasn't he?). Of course, as I'm being jostled about on this most uncomfortable journey, I'm wondering if the movie of this book might have any nude scenes, because I haven't seen Matt nude since The Talented Mr. Ripley.



Well, there are those photoshopped internet things, but they don't really count, do they? Even if they do tend to give me a tingle in the nether region.

At last the train arrives at a large station and a great number of people squeeze their way off and I get to move from the center square to the one next to the wall by the door. This looks promising because, just like at the urinals in men's rooms, people tend to leave a space between themselves and the next person. Unfortunately, at this station, a great number of people squeeze their way onto the train and I end up squashed against the wall by two women who look like they've enjoyed a good deal of Edy's Gourmet Ice Cream (probably a registered trademark should go here).

I'm now wondering why a person like me, who's really never done anything to hurt another living soul (except for that one thing I did to my first boyfriend Danny, and I was 12 for God's sake!), should have to be pressed up against the wall of an overcrowded subway car when I was only 10 seconds later than usual in arriving at the train station. It's unfair, I tell ya, unfair! Tomorrow, I vow to arrive at the train station twenty seconds earlier, so I can go back to thinking about Matt Damon's possible nude scenes in upcoming films, instead of about how I'm suffering a backache brought on by forced bad posture.

Oscar to Visit Matt's House Again?

Since the year 2006 is half-over there are those who are predicting Oscar races already. I won't tell you where I got my information (that would be akin to a reporter revealing a source, right?), but I will say I've seen several prognosticators (it's not a dirty word, I looked it up) opining that Matt may be up for Best Actor for his work in Robert DeNiro's The Good Shepherd. Since Matt's first Oscar was shared with Afflack (insert annoying duck call here), it would be great to see him win one of his very own. And now that he's a daddy (Daddy Damon - coming soon to a theatre near you!), he'll be able to make one of those adorable speeches at the podium ("Okay, Daddy won, now go to bed Alexia and Isabella").

But why does everyone say Matt will be nominated for The Good Shepherd and not for The Departed? Do they think Leonardo DiCaprio will have the bigger, juicier role in The Departed? Do actors who play gangsters tend to get overlooked by Oscar? If so, someone ought to take back Marlon Brando's trophy for The Godfather.

My point, of course, is that Matt is great in whatever he does (yes, even Bagger Vance), so why should early buzz focus on one upcoming phenomenal performance and not the other? I'll continue scratching my head over this one while I simultaneously jump for joy over the thought that Matt may be Oscar-nominated again this year!

Oh, and one more thing: could Matt's The Good Shepherd and George Clooney's The Good German be packaged together as a double feature entitled The Good German Shepherd? That's an evening PETA could get behind, huh?