Britney Stumbles, Where’s Matt?

Well, it looks like O.J. will finally do some time, Mrs. Rodham Clinton may finally get to roll out her health care plan and Britney’s finally on the skids…or is she?

She’s being talked about everywhere (and cried over on YouTube). Entertainment Weekly just ran a cover story wondering if this is the end for her, after a long series of bizarre and highly publicized events. But in the article, they also point out her forthcoming album has at least four songs which are “pretty good” and may have her feverishly downloading fans screaming Gimme More! What is all this furor?

You see, Britney gave what many consider to be a train wreck of a performance on the MTV Video Music Awards on September 9. She seemed to stumble as she danced (and as she walked), her hair weave wasn’t particularly flattering, her mouth seemed out of synch with the lyrics the audience was hearing and her abs seemed to support the findings of mothers everywhere after giving birth – it’s hard to get that figure back! But was it really the worst performance ever? I don’t think I’d go that far. I don’t even think it was the worst performance ever by Britney. I’ve read about her 15 minute min-concerts where she barely bothered lip synching and some where she even left the stage while the music still played. If you ask me, Britney seems tired. Tired of performing, tired of dealing with the press, tired of rehearsing. The one thing she doesn’t seem too tired to do is party. She’s not a girl, not yet a woman, but she’s a real party monster! She was seen doing shots with Puff Daddy, drinking champagne with P. Diddy and dancing ‘til dawn with Sean Combs.

Not everyone wants to slam the former parochial school girl impersonator, though. Some have taken her side. There’s a “blond” boy who’s become famous on YouTube for crying over Ms. Brit’s misfortunes. He wants us to leave her alone. And you know, I’m quite prepared to do just that. Whether Britney makes a comeback or backs herself into a corner isn’t of any interest to me. But something this small town crier said did give me pause. MSNBC’s Netiquette column, by Helen A.S. Popkin, quotes this guy in an interview saying “To be honest, Britney’s a national treasure. Everyone has an opinion. Believe it or not, for my generation, it’s just as big of a topic as 9/11.” Wow! Britney’s performance on the VMAs is as big a topic as 9/11! I had no idea. Isn’t that akin to John Lennon once claiming the Beatles were bigger than Jesus?

Directly following Brit’s VMA appearance, insult comic Sarah Silverman took the stage and said some terribly disturbing things about the Toxic girl, referring to her children as mistakes, and saying they were just as adorable as the hairless vagina from which they came, which is ridiculous! How does she know if it was hairless or not when those kids were born? Really, Sarah! D-Lister Kathy Griffin backed Ms. Silverman up, stating that she had no choice. “As a comedian, what are you supposed to do? Are you supposed to walk out and say, ‘Britney sure was great, everybody!’? Your hands are tied. You have to go there.” I disagree. Maybe you can’t say “Britney was great,” but is it really necessary to attack her 1- and 2-year-old children?

I say all this to say that it’s hard to be in the public eye. One minute they love you, the next they’re tearing you down like the Berlin Wall. Matt, of course, is having a very good year. Ocean’s 13 and that other little movie, what was it, something about being Bourne again, oh yes, The Bourne Ultimatum, have done very well at the box office and Matt has been seen pushing the baby buggy all over the world with his adorable little Isabella (by the way, no one is asking for your opinion of this, Sarah Silverman). But for some reason, Variety columnist Peter Bart put out word in his September 14 column to ask where Matt has gone. That he seems to be press shy and never wants to talk about himself. He said he felt Matt must have concluded “The safest path for a movie star is to remain totally remote from the media, and to be utterly secretive about your personal tastes and beliefs -- in short, to disappear as a person.” Wow, do Peter Bart and I see two entirely different realities! A quick scan of the excellent Matt Damon Column (http://mattdamoncolumn.livejournal.com/) shows Matt did press for The Bourne Ultimatum in Mexico City, Deauville, Amsterdam, Berlin, London, Málaga, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney, New York, LA, Oklahoma City and Boise!

He has spoken out publicly about various charities, including the Greendimes Campaign (which reduces the amount of junk mail you receive, thereby saving millions of trees), DATA (Debt AIDS Trade Africa, an advocacy organization dedicated to eradicating AIDS and extreme poverty in Africa), OneXOne (committed to supporting, preserving and improving the lives of children around the world) and the ONE Campaign (Americans united as one to help make poverty history). He and producer Frank Marshall lent themselves to a benefit premiere of The Bourne Ultimatum in Oklahoma City and raised $192,000 for The Children’s Center. He also appeared at his friends’ premieres: at Michael Clayton for George Clooney and at The Assassination of Jesse James… for Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck. He was also on hand to introduce the documentary Running the Sahara, for which he serves as narrator, at the Toronto International Film Festival.

His guest spot on PBS’ ArthurOn top of all that, he found the time to do voiceovers for two popular animated series. aired September 3, and his appearance on The Simpsons will be the 15th episode in next season’s schedule.

Hardly a recluse, eh Mr. Bart? But as long as Britney grabs all the headlines, I guess we'll just never know what little ol' Matt is up to, will we?