Soul Searching

What is up with these people I keep seeing who wear their sunglasses on the subway? If the minimal light available on subway trains hurts your eyes, you really should just stay home. You’re obviously not equipped with the fortitude needed to make your way in the big city.

In the 80’s, one of the two famous young people named Corey had a hit single with a song called Sunglasses At Night, and a little after that there was a song called The Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades. Of course, Tom Cruise was famous for wearing Wayfarer sunglasses and Calvin Klein briefs (and, regrettably, a shirt as well) in Risky Business. So there has been a precedent set for sunglasses as a fashion statement.

Maybe subway sunglass wearers are hiding something? They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, so maybe these shaded subway riders are hiding their soul from us? Or maybe their window’s just closed? Or maybe they don’t have a soul and they find this so embarrassing they figure if you can’t see into their eyes you won’t know about their inner lack. Or wait - maybe The Matrix is one of their favorite movies and they’re emulating the characters because, like the adolescent Peter Brady, they have no personality? It’s just so much to think about.

Has Matt worn sunglasses on the subway? As a celebrity, he could be excused for attempting to disguise himself by wearing sunglasses and a big, floppy hat, but I think Matt is smart enough to know that that really just draws attention to a person. And before you know it, everyone on the train is asking you if you think your chances for an Oscar this year are better for The Departed or for The Good Shepherd.

I'm pretty sure Matt wore sunglasses at some point in his movies. Maybe in the Bourne movies? Since part of Mr. Ripley’s time was spent on the beach, he must have worn sunglasses there, too. You’d think I’d remember Matt’s sunglasses, since I would be quite displeased any time Matt chose to cover up his face in any way. But when I search my soul, I realize I would have found anything covering Matt's face terribly traumatic, so obviously I would have blotted it from my memory.