How Are You?
The weather people say it's to be "less humid" today. In this city that thinks more of the word "more" than it does of any other adjective, it's rare that we'd get excited over less of anything. But "less humid" is cause for cake and cookies. So I'm guessing New Yorkers will be feeling pretty good today. Maybe this is the time to hit up that tough boss for a raise? Maybe this is the time to ask those noisy neighbors to keep it down? Maybe this is the time to ask that mean-looking guy on the subway if he wouldn't mind terribly moving over just a smidge so you could sit your weary butt down?
Well, let's not go overboard.
Yes, nice weather has the power to make people feel good about life in the city and about life in general. But some people are just crabby to the bitter end. And bitter too, come to think of it. I have one person in my life who makes me fearful of the phrase "how are you" because I know if I ask I'll get an answer. And it's not going to be a perky little inside-of-a-Hallmark-card kind of thing, either. It's going to be a medical history straight out of A Diagnostic Practitioner's Guide to Clinical Diseases and Their Origins. And believe me, when "how are you" sets off a litany of woes it's hard to find an ice breaker. Will the good weather make a person like this feel better or will it only serve to bring tragic memories of past illnesses spent inside on sunny days? I'm banking on the latter. This person could turn a trip on the Love Boat into The Poseidon Adventure with one great, heaving sigh.
Of course, when I'm forced to talk to a person like this, my mind automatically switches over to Matt mode. I could be hearing about a tender spot in a private place, or a painful inner agitation, but I might be thinking about how hard it must have been for Matt to lose 40 pounds to play a heroin addict in Courage Under Fire. Which, of course, would lead me to think about how I'd like to lose some weight since my waist is hugging my pants the way I'd hug Matt if I could ever get close enough. This is because I took up eating ice cream when I quit smoking cigarettes and now I truly don't want to go through all the hard work it's going to take to make my waist stop sidling up to my pants the way Matt sidled up to Penelope Cruz in All the Pretty Horses.
Unless, that is, I could watch Matt work out right across from me. Or, at least, look forward to a shower scene like the one from School Ties when I finish. Well, without the fighting that breaks out with Brendan Fraser. Wrestling in a shower room, okay, but flat-out fighting, um, no.
Working out is decidedly tough, but when it's less humid, after several weeks of hot, wet air, one thinks one can face anything. Except accidentally goading the wrong people into telling you how they are...
Well, let's not go overboard.
Yes, nice weather has the power to make people feel good about life in the city and about life in general. But some people are just crabby to the bitter end. And bitter too, come to think of it. I have one person in my life who makes me fearful of the phrase "how are you" because I know if I ask I'll get an answer. And it's not going to be a perky little inside-of-a-Hallmark-card kind of thing, either. It's going to be a medical history straight out of A Diagnostic Practitioner's Guide to Clinical Diseases and Their Origins. And believe me, when "how are you" sets off a litany of woes it's hard to find an ice breaker. Will the good weather make a person like this feel better or will it only serve to bring tragic memories of past illnesses spent inside on sunny days? I'm banking on the latter. This person could turn a trip on the Love Boat into The Poseidon Adventure with one great, heaving sigh.
Of course, when I'm forced to talk to a person like this, my mind automatically switches over to Matt mode. I could be hearing about a tender spot in a private place, or a painful inner agitation, but I might be thinking about how hard it must have been for Matt to lose 40 pounds to play a heroin addict in Courage Under Fire. Which, of course, would lead me to think about how I'd like to lose some weight since my waist is hugging my pants the way I'd hug Matt if I could ever get close enough. This is because I took up eating ice cream when I quit smoking cigarettes and now I truly don't want to go through all the hard work it's going to take to make my waist stop sidling up to my pants the way Matt sidled up to Penelope Cruz in All the Pretty Horses.
Unless, that is, I could watch Matt work out right across from me. Or, at least, look forward to a shower scene like the one from School Ties when I finish. Well, without the fighting that breaks out with Brendan Fraser. Wrestling in a shower room, okay, but flat-out fighting, um, no.
Working out is decidedly tough, but when it's less humid, after several weeks of hot, wet air, one thinks one can face anything. Except accidentally goading the wrong people into telling you how they are...
posted by Sam at 5:17 AM
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