Best Actor My Aunt Fanny!

Here's Matt reading the nominations for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's Golden Globe Awards. Someone's name seems to be conspicuously absent. Do you have any idea who that might be? Scorsese? Nope, he was there. Eastwood? Nah, he's always there. Beyoncé? Believe it or not, she was there, too! The person of whom I write is none other than the man who portrays Mr. Aaron in the upcoming Anna Paquin film, Margaret. Yes, that's right - Matt Damon!

"Oh no," I can hear you say, "is this going to be one of those sour grapes, why-doesn’t-everyone-think-the-way-I-do rants?” Well, yeah. So if you don’t think the way I do, maybe you shouldn’t read it. “But Sam,” you’re asking now, “how can we know how you think if we don’t read it?” Good question. You’re smart! I’ve devised this little quiz to help you out:

I think Matt Damon is –

a) One of the finest actors of his generation
b) So beautiful I am overcome with desire for him
c) Such a nice guy it’s hard to believe he’s in this cut-throat industry
d) Due for another Oscar

If you answered any of the above, then you think like I do, so you can feel safe to read on.

In the Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture-Drama category, the HFPA nominated Leonardo DiCrapio - twice! Now, I can understand nominating his riveting turn in The Departed, but singling him out for Blood Diamond? That’s not a movie, that’s a history lecture on celluloid. Forest Whitaker was nominated, as expected, for The Last King of Scotland. Of course, I don’t have any interest in seeing a movie about Idi Amin. The only way you could get me interested in that is to match him up with fellow dictators Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong Il and call it Dreamboys. Saddam would be riveting in his act one closer And I Am Telling You I’m Not Hanging. Also nominated as expected was Peter O’Toole, who plays an aging, womanizing actor in Venus, just as he did in My Favorite Year, but this time he’s even older. His range is astounding! The other nominee is Will Smith, who added some grey to his hair and had a bunch of take your son to work days while filming The Pursuit of Happyness (sic). Now, I didn’t like Will Smith when he was a fresh prince and I didn’t like him when he punched out an alien in Independence Day, so why the critics think I ought to like him now (as they all seem to) is just beyond me. I once worked with brokerage firms and they weren’t interesting then, so I truly doubt something has happened since to make watching an intern’s experience at Dean Witter Reynolds more interesting than, say, waiting for toast to pop up.

But Matt, well Matt was brilliant in The Departed. His intensity, his smoldering charm, his seductive stare into the camera as he tries to make us forget what a lowlife scum he’s playing…how could the HFPA miss all that? I don’t go for this type of movie normally, but I will see anything Matt is in (even if he’s in it with Will Smyth [sic]), so I ran out to see The Departed right away, ‘natch. Matt was so amazing in the movie, I hardly noticed time passing at all. Oh yeah, the other actors (Alex Baldwin, Martin Sheen, Mark Wahlberg…) were terrific as well, but I thought the whole story was about little Colin Sullivan. From the time he was an adorable little tyke buying groceries for his family with blood money (but not blood diamonds), to the moment when he realizes he just can’t escape his fate any longer, this flick is all about Matt, er, Colin. So why would the HFPA snub him like this? No matter who wins this one, kids, it won't be the "Best" Actor, you know what I mean?

That said, of course I’ll watch the 64th Annual Golden Globe Awards on January 15th, since I love what an open bar does to a celebrity as much as the next drama queen. But I’m definitely going to walk out of the room when they announce the “Best” Actor award. So there!